(A little warning: this post may be TMI. slightly graphic. detailed. sad. long.)
At 4:30pm yesterday I experienced some bleeding. It wasn't horrible or excessive but it was bright red and I knew that wasn't good. I was scared but I managed to stay collected enough to call the doctor. I've read enough pregnancy books, blogs, websites, etc. to know that some bleeding can be completely normal and there could be a million different reasons for it. I told myself that very thing over and over again as I patiently held for what seemed like an eternity to speak to a nurse. She asked me a few questions (questions that I've seemed to answer hundreds of times over again since that call) and she seemed to be pleased with my answers: no pain, only slight cramps, no nausea, no clots or tissue. She moved up and relocated my already scheduled appointment for the next day and made sure for it to include an ultra sound. I breathed a slight sigh of relief, just talking to the nurse and hearing her state of calm relaxed me a little. I called my husband a few times but he was away from his phone, I started panicking a little at this point but told myself that I needed to stay calm for the baby, getting upset would only make things worse.
Then it happened again. More blood. In the toilet. on my underwear. on the toilet paper. everywhere. Still not the massive amount that I envisioned occurring during a miscarriage but enough for me to know that this could not wait until my scheduled appointment the next morning. This is where I broke down. I cried, I screamed, I freaked out. After many phone calls and panicked texts, Kevin made it home in one piece and helped me get ready for our trip to the emergency room. At this point the bleeding was off and on with some dry moments in between.
We arrived at the ER a little after 7pm thanks to traffic. I wasn't really in a huge hurry, I knew that nothing could be done to stop this if it was a miscarriage and that was my biggest concern. I again answered a few questions and then the waiting game started. We waited for a room. More bleeding as we waited. After we made it to a room, we waited for a doctor. Once the doctor finally made her way to us, she took me away for an exam. More bleeding during the exam. The exam was normal, only proving that nothing other than what I came in for was wrong. A not so pleasant small catheter was entered to receive a urine sample, since I was bleeding they needed to get a sample that was tainted.
Back to the room I went and the waiting commenced. They needed to confirm the pregnancy with the urine test and when that came back positive they ordered blood work and took me for an ultrasound. Thank goodness Kevin was able to come along this time.
The ultrasound showed nothing. No sack, no baby. This was explained to us to mean one of three things: 1)I have already miscarried 2)I am not far along enough for anything to be visible 3) I have an ectopic pregnancy, meaning the baby is somewhere other than in my uterus where it belongs (this is the most dangerous of the options and the one we hope the most that it isn't).
After more waiting the blood work came back to show that my hcg levels were at 57. Not normal for a pregnancy that showed a positive test result two weeks ago. Our three scenarios haven't changed. I was sent home and told to keep my appoint with my normal GYN the next day as a follow up.
We didn't make it home until sometime after midnight. And began more of our never ending waiting.
The doctors appointment this morning went about as we expected. They asked the same questions, did the same exam, and presented us with the same predicament. There is no way of knowing right now. The only way to know for sure is to order more blood work (I go in on Monday for that) and to compare my hcg levels. If they are higher then we do another ultrasound (scheduled for Friday) to confirm a normal or ectopic pregnancy. If they are lower (which is most likely the case) than that means I have miscarried. The bleeding has yet to stop and seems to happening more frequently.
It's hard to hold any sort of hope, and I don't know that we should. All signs point to a miscarriage, as much as I would like it to be otherwise. It's tragic. I hate it. There is nothing to do but wait... I will keep everyone updated. Please keep us in your prays. This will be a difficult weekend to get through but we will get through it... we always do.