Most likely you know someone who is struggling with infertility or perhaps you yourself are struggling with it. The simple fact is that one in eight people are affected by it.
Before our first pregnancy (and subsequently our first loss) I knew very little about how common infertility and pregnancy loss was. It's not something anyone had ever really talked openly about with me. I knew that my mom had a miscarriage before having me but that was the extent of my knowledge. After our first miscarriage people were coming out of the woodwork with their own stories of loss and struggles to conceive. I was amazed at how many people in my life struggled with infertility and I was completely unaware of it until I myself was a member of the "miscarriage club".
It's not something people openly talk about. I wish that wasn't the case though. Going into our first pregnancy I thought my ute was invincible. There was never a concern for miscarriage because I was uninformed and naive. I knew my odds the second time around and although it doesn't help a whole lot with the pain of a loss, at least I knew it could happen.
Something I hear a lot of lately is "At least you can get pregnant, many couples struggle for years with that alone". While I realize that those people are trying to be reassuring and a little part of me feels relieved that we can indeed "get pregnant" the majority of me struggles with what is worse: the inability to conceive a child or the inability to carry one full term? Sure, we can conceive but will that ever lead to the birth of a child? Will we only face loss after loss? The truth is, at this point, we just don't know.
Dealing with the emotions of miscarriage are difficult but I do not mind talking about it. Many friends who are not yet ready to try to conceive but will eventually have questions and concerns for their own fertility and I am happy to do what I can to inform them and share our stories. I also have those in my life that can't seem to find the words to talk to me about it. Some pretended the first miscarriage never happened and just never mentioned the pregnancy itself or the loss. Others said all the wrong things, although I do not blame them, it just shows their lack of knowledge on the subject. I would rather them say anything than nothing at all. That's what hurt the most. I never want to pretend it never happened. I grieved for those losses, they shaped me and our relationship, I have not lost hope but I will never forget them.
I stumbled across another blog that I want to share with everyone. Its title says it all "Infertility Communications 101". If you know anyone struggling with infertility please read this. Even if you don't know anyone struggling with it now, chances are you will come across someone eventually so read this anyway.