First thing this morning I called my obgyn to set up my second round of testing for today. Since my cycle has been all wonky after miscarriage number two and the tests had to be done on a specific day of my cycle it had to be a last minute kind of thing and luckily they were able to get me in today. For once, my body is slightly cooperating!
I was hoping that it wouldn't be busy in the office but much to my dismay, it was. As soon as I walked in I was greeted with several large baby bumps and two cooing infants. My ute ached. My heart hurt. And I wished for separate waiting rooms, like I have at every obgyn visit since my first loss. It's just too much all at once and all up in my face. There they are with their perfectly round bellies and/or bouncing bundles of joy. And here I am. Flat stomach, empty ute, and broken heart.
I know that will be me before too long and I will probably be the most obnoxious pregnant woman on the face of the earth. Flaunting my growing tummy, cheerfully greeting every person in the room, announcing how many weeks/days/hours/minutes I have left. A pure annoyance. But right now? Right now I can't handle it. So instead, I fought back the tears and sat in the corner without making eye contact. I don't like being that person.
The lovely nurse who did my blood work made me feel a little better and had me laughing the whole time. If you know at all how I feel about getting blood taken from my body then you know that she must have been pretty amazing to have me smile let alone
laugh. She also informed me that the results should be back in just a couple of days. And so the waiting commences. Yet again. Let's hope that by the weeks end we will have some answers. clarity. direction. sanity.
Prayers said and fingers crossed!
