Two weeks after losing my dad and finding out I was pregnant, I graduated from college, another high. The next month brought a steady middle ground as I grieved the loss of my father while simultaneously planning both a wedding and for our future as a family of three. Then another extreme low came. The week before our wedding we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat. On the Monday, the week of our wedding, I had a D&C. Later that week, despite the IV marks on my hands and the large pad I had to wear, our roller coaster reached a new level of high as I married my best friend.
The year that followed brought many highs and lows that included honeymooning in Italy, starting new jobs, leaving old ones, birthdays, losing my grandma, a first anniversary, another miscarriage, lots of grieving, and a new addition to our family (in the form of an adorable little puppy). It has been quite the ride. So it should come, as no surprise, that my emotions are a bit out of whack at times. Most of my days are good. normal.
But I also have days when the reality of losing my dad is overwhelming and the fear of not being able to have a normal pregnancy surpasses my usual optimism. Those days suck. I think James Morrison says it best:
"And I know that it's a wonderful world but I can't feel it right now
Well, I thought that I was doing well but I just wanna cry now"
I do know that I am so fortunate for the love that surrounds me. I have the worlds best husband and great friends and family who have all been there on that roller coater right along side us. Sometimes it just slips away from me. I had one of those days today. Then my husband walked in the door and gave me a big hug as I scurried out the door and I smiled a real smile for the first time all day. And then I sat around a tv with a group of amazing ladies and as we talked, ate yummy snacks and laughed at terrible reality tv and I felt like myself again.
Life is a roller coaster, and it's different for everyone. The best thing we can do is surround ourselves with people who will celebrate our highs and be right by our side through the lows.... and not sit behind anyone who looks like they might puke.