Absence

Let me point out the obvious, I have not been writing much lately. But I am going to be completely honest with you all in telling you that I have not written for all of your benefit. The thing is, my mind has been completely and utterly occupied with only one repeating thought. The inner workings of my brain have gone a little something like this over the past couple of months:

"baby. baby. baby. i really want a baby. when will it be our time? baby. baby. am i pregnant? my boobs hurt, that must mean i am pregnant. baby. baby. cramps. negative pregnancy test after test. baby. baby. baby. why is this so hard for us? i must be pregnant. these hormones are killing me. i am two weeks late why are all of these tests negative? baby. baby...."

I think that pretty much sums up the loop my mind has been stuck on. And in case any of that was misleading, no I am not pregnant. The whole process has really taken its tole on me as of lately. My optimism takes a beating each month as my hopes rise and fall so rapidly. I am finally feeling all of that stress I had building up and it's just making me so tired.

We are still trying and I am doing my best to just relax and let things happen. It's just hard for me to think of anything else at the moment but I am working on it. Bare with me.