Anyone who has spent much time with me outdoors is well aware of my feelings towards birds. I don't like them. Some would go as far as to say that I hate them. And that's not exactly right. I don't
hate them, I just think that they are gross and
evil. Just thinking about them gives me the shivers [yuck!]. I may also be terrified of them but that's irrelevant. The only non-evil birds are owls (from a distance and only because they make me think of my Mam-maw) and penguins (which I do not consider to be birds at all but that's a story for another time).
{side note: owls and penguins are my two fav animals... hypocritical? maybe. insane? most definitely.}
When we first moved into our house we were greeted by twenty starving, scary, loud ducks poking through our screen porch... for someone who already has a bad relationship with winged creatures, this is a nightmare. And these ducks are not normal ducks either. They are massive and ugly and make weird noises (not the cute but annoying quacking like the Aflac duck). Apparently the previous owners had raised this herd of ducks and fed them twice a day, every day for the past thirteen years.
My first thought was to have the hubs and his man friends round these ducks up and ship them off to some other lake far far away from me. The only problem was, despite my disgust with these creatures, I could not be the cause of any harm done to them and that includes possibly turning them into gator bate (because lets face it, most lakes in florida = gator city). I was also told that those people in the phone book that you can call to remove them actually poison them, not capture them and send them off to that magical farm like the one your parents say your dog went to when you were little. Not an option.
After WEEKS of them flocking to our back patio, begging for food, and poking holes in our screen causing me to close the blinds and hide in the kitchen (because, duh, they were trying to attack me) they went away. Not completely away, some of them stayed, but a lot of them left. And the ones that stayed learned to find food on there own and stopped harassing me. They just swam in the lake and pooped in other peoples yards so I accepted their existence.
We went on living, accepting each other from a distance for almost a year until a few weeks ago when along came Lucy. Lucy is one of the female ducks (not as scary as the males and about half the size). She decided to build a nest right next to our backdoor, perfectly hidden from danger by our giant bamboo tree and the side of our house. I wasn't really sure what to do about this at first and I did not like her crossing our established boundaries. And then I peeked in her nest and saw her looking up at me (yikes) and realized that she was just hanging out, keeping her eggs warm. She laid eggs... in my backyard... and I didn't mind. Actually I thought it was kinda cool. Weird right? It gets weirder...
Two terrors (aka pre-teen boys) decided they like chasing ducks around the lake.
My response: Ok, normal kid stuff, whatev.
Then they decided they like throwing rocks at them.
My response: Hmmm, they have terrible aim and this could possibly result in them falling into said lake so I'll just give them a little warning and ask them nicely to stop.
Then they decided to pick up my duck and take her away from her precious eggs, putting them all in danger!
My response: Throw rocks at kids and push them in lake.... Ok, I didn't really do that but I thought about.... I really did run outside and yell at them, hopefully scaring them enough to keep them away.
And then I went and checked on Lucy. ME! I went and checked on a duck. My sworn enemy.
Oh, and then I named her. And called her mine. Did you notice that? Who am I? I blame all those Disney movies I watch. I can't help that when I see her I picture a disney-esque scenario. She's the momma duck just trying to protect her babes, who will one day grow up to wear little blue sailor jackets or big purple bows, they might even swim around in a safe full of gold coins. How am I to know?
Will Lucy be the portal to the demise of my bird-phobia? Probably not. But it's a start right? Trips to the beach and amusement parks sure would be a lot easier and much less embarrassing (especially for the hubs, who I hide behind as I scream like a five year little girl while people stare). This is definitely a step in the right direction.
ETA: The terrors were back today and they did not mess with a single duck... instead they attempted to throw rocks at each others boy parts while yelling words that I am positive they don't know the meaning of. I also witnessed them scoop up with their hands and drink the lake water... this all happened within the 5 minutes I was outside with Wenty... this is our future folks.
