Decisions, Decisions

From the first moment someone asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" until I was in middle school my answer was always the same: veterinarian (except I really just said vet because that word is way too complicated for a six year old). And then I realized that being a vet involved more than just playing with puppies all day. You had to see animals in pain and sick and also? You saw more than just puppies. Like snakes and stuff. No thank you.

The question then arose again in eighth grade when I had to do a report "All About Me." Due to my current obsession with Ally McBeal I chose lawyer as my desired profession. I even put a picture of the Ally McBeal cast under my three paragraphs of why I wanted to be a lawyer. Those reasons included things such as: I can argue pretty well and you get to wear business suits. Clearly I knew what I was talking about.

Over the next couple of years, as I started high school, that particular question was erased from my mind and replaced with thoughts of boys, sports, and friends. I didn't give it a single thought again until my Senior year when applying for colleges and even then the decision of which college to attend took priority. But after giving it some thought I decided that I wanted to be a teacher.

This decision seemed pretty final going into orientation my freshmen year of college but I was "strongly encouraged" to look into other options. So I did. I took intro classes to a few different majors. I considered business, interior design, advertising, and just about everything else under the sun but remained "undecided" until my junior year. That's when I came to the conclusion that I just couldn't picture myself doing anything other than education. So I got my degree in Elementary Education, I completed my internships and fell even more in love with teaching. It felt like that is what I was made for. And then, with only a couple weeks left of my final internship (which I was loving) and a month before graduation some life changing events occurred.

When it was all said and done, I was a different person. Not better or worse. Just different. And that passion for teaching? I lost it. It didn't seem to fit anymore. I tried, oh how I tried, to get it back. To deny it. I was lost and suddenly didn't know where my life was going. But I knew I didn't want to teach anymore. Here I am, at twenty four years old, struggling with that very same question: "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Well I am going to give it another shot. I got a new job, one with benefits, full-time hours and good pay. One that sounds perfect for the new me. One that offers a journey to a new career. Here's to hoping it fits!

So Many Pumpkins!

Per usual, this was a crazy week for us. I seem to be saying that a lot lately, no? But don't worry there was some fun mixed in with the crazy. I may have mentioned a time or two that I love fall and this weekend we did some of my favorite fall things. I'll let the pictures (and lots of them) do the talking :)

Pumpkin Patch

The lady totally missed all of the lovely fall decor in this photo opp :/

safety first!

Pumpkin Carving

and you know I had to get the little beasts their own pumpkins

most. handsome. man. EVER!

our carvings!

little witch hats and pumpkin seeds

The weather was gorgeous and it was so nice spending time with the hubs since I have been gone so many nights this week. Now onto some difficult tasks that Monday holds...

Remembrance

A year ago today we lit a candle and remembered the loss of our first pregnancy. Tonight we will add two more.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Tonight at 7:00pm we light our candles and remember our losses. Those losses are often difficult to think about but were such an important part of our journey and each will always hold a special place in our hearts.

We never held those babies. Never felt them kick. My belly never grew. We don't know if they were boys or girls. They didn't have names or even heartbeats. So many people don't understand the emotions attached to such a loss. To someone you never really knew. But each one represented a future. We daydreamed about life with a baby. a child. a teenager. We changed our lives to make way for them. We worked hard to be able to provide for them. We picked out names and nursery colors. Because for most people, a pregnancy results in a baby nine months later.

Tonight we remember those dreams. Those hopes. Those plans. Those lives. But we do so with a smile because we know our time to be parents will come. And those little lives will never be forgotten. They helped us on our journey, changed our lives and our way of thinking and feeling. When we finally do hold our first baby in our arms we will be that much more grateful. Because of them.

To those of you who are lighting candles of your own tonight, know that you are in our thoughts. Stay strong.

Reason #952 that I love my brother

He kills cockroaches with a baseball bat...and a shoe....and an empty roll of toilet paper.

Maybe I should explain.

As I mentioned before, I have been back and forth staying at my moms house and my own. Well the other night at my moms house as I was preparing Wentworth (he came with for snuggling purposes) and myself for bed, he randomly started barking up at the wall. Now Wentworth isn't always the brightest pup (but gahh he's cute) so I thought nothing of it. Until he wouldn't come to bed and then I was just tired and annoyed so I went to go get him and that's when I saw it. The evil spawn of the devil himself. The BIGGEST cockroach I have ever seen (seriously, people).

Cockroaches are about as low as it gets. But the worst part? The sound they make when you squish them. Blah! So of course, it was out of the question for me to do anything about this, especially when there is a teenage boy in the house. Forget the fact that he was upstairs in bed and it was a school night, this was an emergency. So I called my brother. And yeah, I mean on the phone. It was late and I was afraid the screaming would rattle Lebron (fitting right?) and cause him to come running straight at me.

Little brother to the rescue! Only not really because it turns out he is only slightly less of a chicken than I am. I hand him a shoe and he throws it at Lebron... really? I could have done that myself. All that did was make Lebron scatter and leave me with thoughts of him crawling on my face while I sleep. I then demanded asked politely for my brother to find Lebron and dispose of him because he cannot be left on the loose!!

My brother goes to collect supplies (I'm thinking bug spray, a new shoe, maybe a paper towel to clean up the mess?) and comes back with a baseball bat. Suddenly images of my mom coming home to a house that no longer has a separate kitchen and dinning room coming floating into my mind in a panic but he assures me that the bat it to search for Lebron. Riiiiight. Well somehow it works and he chases Lebron across the kitchen floor (so wish I had that on camera!) and finally squishes him with one loud SMACK! How does he clean up his mess you ask? With an empty toilet paper roll because it would be "gross" to pick dead Lebron up with a paper towel...

And that is one of the many reasons my little brother is awesome.

** do not be frightened. this cockroach is not real. however, he is pretty close to the actual size of the late cockroach lebron. **

A little update

I have been a terrible blogger lately. It has been almost an entire week since I last blogged. How lame is that? But let me assure you that you would not have wanted to read anything I would have written this week. Those lovely side effects from my new meds I mentioned before? They got worse.

I have not felt like myself all week with the ridiculous mood swings, inability to concentrate on anything, overall nausea and stomach pains. Not fun people. But after a true low day (really really low) I think my body has finally adjusted. The last few days have been much better. Thank goodness. Don't get me wrong, I will take whatever suffering is necessary in order to make my next pregnancy work but I would be lying if I didn't say I am relieved that the side effects have let up.

This week has also brought me a bit of an injury. I have some really gross pictures that I contemplated sharing but decided that I like you all so I wont subject you to them. I had an incident with the dogs and their leashes and it left the back of my knee looking like I had been mauled by a tiger. Or that the hubs and I were into some very dirty games involving large leather whips. Striking my legs several times. Until I bleed. But it was the dog leashes. I promise. And it was caused by the dogs. Swearsies. I haven't been able to wear pants or bend my knees all week. Which also means that when I am out in public, the world is exposed to my "injury" and I have received many gasps and "omg what happened"s from complete strangers. Plus I look funny trying to make it up a flight of stairs :/

In other news, I received a disturbing phone call from my mom today informing me that my uncle (her brother) was just diagnosed with multiple brain tumors. The details are unclear right now, they are doing a biopsy tomorrow. My mom and grandpa are on their way to him now (he lives in Kentucky) which means I will be spending the week (or so?) at my moms shuttling my brother to and from school and baseball practice, feeding him and their dogs, and making sure he does his homework. I am so fortunate to have understanding employers and a job that allows me to drop everything and help my family when needed.

I know this update was anything but upbeat and pleasant but I will work on that. Because this week is going to be better. Filled with puppies and rainbows and glitter and unicorns and other magical things. You'll see.

A Working Weekend

This weekend was one full of work on my part. I locked myself in my sewing room to finish all of the custom orders that were to go out this morning and get prepared for the one's I will start this week. Whew. I came out of the room only to pee and once to eat (the other times, the hubs brought food to me). I worked right up until I went to sleep and started the next day with my morning coffee in tow. Weekdays are getting more and more difficult to get any work done now that my other job is full-time. I am usually busy with lesson plans and preparing for the work week. Also? I'm freakin' exhausted when I get home.

I did get to leave the house once this weekend but it was to fill out paper work for a little side job, so I don't really count that as fun. However, when I walked through the front door of our house after my paperwork adventure (listen. i have to make it sound more fun so i don't feel like my weekend was all work. ok?) I smelled the sweet smell of our tile cleaner. I took another sniff and got a hint of Pledge. How does my house smell so clean when I have been too busy to even think about it?

Then I remembered that my husband rocks. He scrubbed our tile. And I mean really scrubbed. Like on his hands and knees because we have white tile and grout covering our kitchen/family room/hallway and two very dirty beasts that love to dirty up the floors. He also dusted. everything. I didn't even know he knew what pledge was! And all the crap, I mean lovely man things, that had been shoved in the living room after the sewing room construction had been neatly put away in the garage so I could finally put up my fall decorations. It's surprises like that that make all the hard work bearable.

Now on to tackle the laundry, lesson plans, and other sewing projects.

Favorite Things [October]

Happy October!! Ah! I absolutely love October! It represents so many wonderful things. I can't stand it! Here are some of my favorite October things:

The Great Pumpkin Patch. There is a church right down the street from where I work that has the best pumpkin patch ever. It's Charlie Brown themed and I absolutely adore it. I can't wait until it's time to go again this year.

Trick-or-treaters. Last year was our first Halloween as homeowners therefore our first time passing out candy. I may have been a little excited. I may have been looking out the window waiting for the first little kiddos to come to our door. I don't even mind the teenagers who just wear a hat and say they're dressed as themselves or something else ridiculous that isn't a real costume. I get it though. Candy is awesome.

Pumpkin in everything. lattes. pies. cupcakes. bagels. bread. So yummy.

Pumpkin carving. We're kind of professionals, not gonna lie. We take this pretty seriously. These are our pumpkins from last year. Mine is Charlie Brown and the hubs (awesome) pumpkin is the Bengals logo. Not sure how we're going to top these this year!

Costumes. For both us and the pup of course. In case you can't tell the hubs and I were Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski last year. And if you don't know who they are, leave my blog right now. Boom was a prisoner. or a referee. You choose. I love dressing up and trying to think of creative costumes (not the slutty ones they sell in the store). Still trying to think of something good for this year, suggestions are welcome!

The cooler weather. Football. Parties. Long walks. Magic Basketball. Sam Adams Octoberfest beer. I could go on for days.

Oh October. How I love thee so. I am so excited for our love affair to begin again. And today? The weather is perfect. It's going to be a great month.